Milonga Etiquette - Introduction

A milonga is a most enjoyable event to go to once Tango finds its way into your heart, but it can also be rather intimidating for a Tango beginner.  We hope to give you some basic information so you may come to learn of and enjoy this beautiful event.

The milonga is a social Tango dance party where people come together to dance, socialize, enjoy the music, watch the shows and soak in the emotions that are Tango.  There are a variety of venues that can hold a milonga. Examples are homes, bars, restaurants, dance studios, beaches etc. etc. etc..  Its really up to the imagination of the organizers and the communities.

As a social event, it has its set of unwritten customs and etiquettes which serve to make the event most enjoyable for everyone.

A typical milonga in Buenos Aires

Milonga Etiquette - Getting Ready & What to Wear

Getting Ready

First and most important of all - personal hygiene.

As you will be in close proximity to your dance partner, you may wish to exclude strong smelling foods from your diet on the day of the milonga, eg. garlic and onion.

A nice shower and freshly washed clothes, and remember less is more when it comes to fragrances & perfumes.  Its not ideal to leave your scent on all your partners or have your partners sneeze or hold their breathes while dancing with you.

What to Wear

The dress code differs from milonga to milonga.  On weekends, the style may be more formal than on weekdays.  An afternoon milonga is certainly more casual than an evening milonga.  Every city and every community will exhibit their own characteristics.  Different age groups will also have a different style character.

The key is to dress comfortably and elegantly in accordance to your own style.

For ladies, practical consideration include not wearing clothes that are too tight or loose.  Tight skirts and dresses can be tricky since some steps require a larger movement and you don't want your skirt riding up your thighs.  Clothing that are too loose may have too much material moving about you interfering with yours and your partner's steps.

Good suggestions include a knee length skirt or pants and an elegant top that accentuates but not reveal too much unnecessarily.  A dress with a fitting bodice and a flared skirt (not too flared) look absolutely amazing.

For gentlemen, smart trousers and a well-pressed shirt works always.  Jackets and suits are optional.

For more casual milongas, jeans are ok, as are t-shirts for both ladies and gentlemen.

You may arrive at the milonga in flat shoes that are more comfortable and change to your Tango shoes there since you do not want to ruin the soles of your Tango shoes.

Some people bring an extra change of shirt / top especially in festivals and marathons in order to stay fresh.  

Milonga Etiquette - Asking & Accepting (or not...)

For the Gentleman:  How Do I Ask a Lady to Dance?

The most appropriate way to ask a lady to dance is the use of cabeceo. This is an art and is to be mastered.

It involves catching the attention of the lady you want to dance with by the way you are looking at her.  If the lady wants to dance with you, she will acknowledge you by the way she looks at you.  You will then nod towards the dance floor and she will indicate her consent by subtly nodding back.  When that happens you walk towards her, extend your hand and guide her to the dance floor.  There, you will enter the line of dance without disrupting its flow and begin dancing.

If the lady does not want to dance with you, she will simply look away when you try to catch her attention.


For the Lady:  How Do I Accept or Decline an Invitation?

The elegant way to accept the invitation is by clearly yet subtly indicating your consent with eye contact and a slight nod after the initiator has nodded.  Wait for the gentleman to come to you.  Stand up only when he is in front of you and has extended his hand.  If you stand up too early or too eagerly acknowledge him, you may find yourself in am embarrassing situation if he had in fact been communicating not with you but a lady sitting behind you.

To decline an invitation, simply look away.

Ladies do not invite but encourage invitations.


When Cabeceo is Not Used...

The cabeceo is wonderful to use because it saves everyone the embarrassment of a misunderstood intent.    It is highly recommended to learn and practise that art.  In Buenos Aires, almost all invitations are rejected unless the cabeceo is used.

In some communities where people know one another rather well, the cabeceo may not be used.  Gentlemen and ladies alike simple walk up to the other and ask for a dance.  In this case, you may go with the flow and verbally accept or reject the invitation.

Some ladies may find it difficult to reject.  The best way to do so is to simply say 'No, thank you', without providing any excuses.  Alternatively, the Tango shoes may be removed to indicate that she is not dancing.


How About Couples?

Couples who arrive at a milonga will generally make it clear to the people around them if they are open to dancing with others or not.

It is proper for the couple to dance the first and last tandas together.

If a couple is open to dancing with others, the man may begin by inviting another lady, indicating to other dancers that the lady is open to invitations.

If a couple prefers to dance only with themselves, they will not demonstrate any cabeceos, and neither will the man invite other ladies.  That does not however mean that they are not open to socializing with others.

A willingness to socialize does not mean a willingness to dance.

A willingness to dance does not mean a willingness to dance with everyone.


What If I Can't Dance & Just Want to Watch?

That is perfectly fine.  Simply look away when invited, or verbally reject.  You are so welcomed to come and just enjoy the music and get to know other people...and perhaps attempt your first Tango-walk!

Milonga Etiquette - Dance Floor Flow & Music

Dance Floor Flow

The flow of the dance floor is in an anti-clockwise (counter-clockwise) direction.  When you first enter the flow, do not disrupt the dancers but find an opportunity to insert yourselves without causing an obstruction or an accident.

The outer lane is the faster lane and meant for the more experienced dancers - they will guide the rhythm of the dance floor.  The inner lane is slower and / or for less experienced dancers.  The centre is meant for beginners and / or for couples who want to do some special figure without disrupting the dance floor flow.

Here are some extra tips:

- Do not overtake

- Do not talk except during cortinas

- Do not teach (see Practicas below)

- Do not take large, dangerous steps, or make exhibition-style maneuvers (that's for the stage only)

- Do not walk into or touch other couples

- Do not walk / cut across the dance floor

- Treat the lady like a queen.  Invite her into movements - no pushing, dragging and lifting.

- Dance at least two songs with the partner, or the whole tanda.  Dancing only one song indicates that you do not like the dancing.

- Saying 'Thank you' indicates the end of the dance, so don't say it until the whole dance is over or if you really want to stop.

- Respect the floor, the people and the music

- Gentleman, always walk your lady back to where you first invited her.


Music

Music is played in sets of three or four - called a tanda.  In between tandas, there's a cortina (curtain) to help facilitate the changing of partners.  The cortina is usually an excerpt of a song completely different from Tango music in order that people may understand its a cortina.

More information on music, orchestras etc.  will be expanded on in another section shortly.


Practicas

An additional note on Practicas.  Practicas (both guided and unguided by instructors) is like an informal milonga.  Teaching, and practising are encouraged.  Its the best way to start and improve!